Sunday, January 01, 2006

:: With 350 Bucks a month come GREAT responsiblity :: I am entering my post, full of anger and resentment, at the very bullshit organization that is the army. The army has lots of advertisements aimed at recruiting more young men, to serve it. Away from the frontline, the guns and the fancy artillery, stand.. THE SERVICE SECTOR. Yup, we are the men never recognized for efforts toward the well being of any branch within the armyl. The army, is where people underserving of their ranks, progress far. At the expense of.. you guessed it, the people at the bottom of the "foodchain".

So there was this incident, which just happened, I was clearing my leave some time ago, however, I was made to come back to help some intolerable people do their job. And, being the good guy that I am, I returned without protest. And there I was, on my day of leave, MY ENTITLEMENT, waiting for this officer, to return back to camp, to charge a serviceman. After half a day of waiting, I left. The same thing happened again the next day. WHY WASTE MY TIME? I returned again, on the third day, and no one told me that the serviceman to be charged, WAS ON BLOODY LEAVE!! WHAT THE HELL??!! Just because I have a low rank, does not mean my time is unimportant. 350 BUCKS IS NOT WORTH IT!

To those who I know, and who have been a real pain in the ass FU*K YOU. Fu*king buncha shmucks, acting all gangster, you can't even think properly. Just because an officer is defending you guys, doesn't mean you can act all high and m ighty. FU*K YOU again, you are the same rank as I am. NO PRIVELEGE. I'll report your sorry asses the next time you pull off some dumb fuck bullshit again. If no action is taken against you, I'll report it further. And I'll watch the fireworks. HAVE A FU*KING NEW YEAR. Thank you.
Pardon me for the extreme usage of profanity, I am not in a good mood..
John Foul Mowf @ 9:41 PM 
*[[ and so the complain goes... ]]*

Sunday, August 21, 2005

:: The Lift Does A Houdini... :: This is something which has been annoying us for a long time now...It seems that some Singaporeans do think the lift might disappear before their very eyes, if they don't get into the lift fast enough.. Is it fact? Or fiction? This might be one of the greatest mysteries in our country's history.. Why do lifts appear to be disappearing??



John & Carol:* Are in a lift waiting to reach their floor*
Lift reaches ground floor of John's block *DING!* The lift door opens.
Before they can get out of the lift.....

Irritating Mother: AYE! Faster! Faster! Lift come oledy.. *Pushes blur kid in*
This all happens whilst John and Carol are still in the lift trying to get out.
Carol: TSK! *Glares and Snarls at irritating mother*
Irritating Mother : *Stares back* TSK! * continues pushing kid in*
John: TSK!!! *With a bulldog snarl rams his way past irritating mother and blur kid*

That is the typical scene we would encounter when travelling in a lift. Are they that frightened they would lose the chance to take the lift? Would the lift vanish into thin air? ARE WE TRANSPARENT?? I don't believe we are a pair of ghostly entities that people can just walk through us. We have come to the conclusion that.. YES.. some Singaporeans are without a doubt plain S-T-U-P-I-D and BLIND.

Courtesy campaigns are definetly a waste of money, since no one bothers to listen to them anyway. Leaving nice people such as us, to unleash our powers of sarcasm and sheer contempt upon these simple minded souls. This is going to be a never ending cycle of lift squeezing and the belief that lifts can disappear... ooo spooky... *rolls eyeballs* So wake up! Before we start carrying a cattle prod with us.. it wouldn't be nice to have one jammed up your bum :o) Even a blind baboon in a wheelchair wouldn't do this to people.
John and Carol @ 1:11 PM 
*[[ and so the complain goes... ]]*

Thursday, August 18, 2005

:: Someone's Creeping Behind us... :: Yup back on the blog again. Not too long ago, we were at causeway point shopping around abit. There we were looking at some clothes at this shop im not going to tell you which one, but it's next to John Little. I was trying to look at a suitable piece of clothing for Carol, but it was rather uncomfortable as we could feel a pair of eyes trailing us wherever we went.. worst of all.. IT was following us...Have you ever been followed? scarey isn't it? The feeling of not being able to move around freely..it chokes you up... OH MY GOD!!! We try to move around, trying to shake IT off,but IT was unrelentless in IT'S pursuit. The feeling of panick coarsed through my entire body.. Carol and I break into a cold sweat.. finally we realised what IT was... the dreaded.. the most dreaded species of salespeople... THE OVER ZEALOUS COMMISSION SEEKING SALESPERSON!!! ( scarey music plays)
I just don't understand these people.. why do something like that? It won't do much to increase their paycheques by scaring off potential customers. We were like so ready to buy that article of clothing.. till we were scared off. What made matters worse was she had one of the most unsmiling,
and unfriendly faces I have ever seen. We escaped her clutches before she wanted to say anymore.. with a huge sigh of relief and the lowering of my blood pressure, we continued on our shopping trip.
To any of you reading this who have a job in this line... PLEASE DO NOT BE LIKE THAT...unfortunately for me and Carol, we had to go back to that shop later on in the day, it was the only place which sold what we wanted.. I'd rather buy chapati from an old naked man with sagging balls.. then go through what we did again...
John Foul Mowf @ 8:21 PM 
*[[ and so the complain goes... ]]*

Thursday, August 11, 2005

:: Vertical Beds?! :: Yeah, I'm back!! Hahaha!! After all these month of lazing..
Wait, no, not lazing, I'm not a lazy pig.. I'm just busy.. I swear... Really...

Anyway, back to my complain... What's one of the worst things that can happen to you on a train? Well, for me, it'll be not having something to hold on to (other than having some "salty pig trotters" touching me), and it's not that there aren't any around me.. It's right in front of my face yet i can't find any space small to place my cute small hands on it to save my dear life when the train stops...

I really wonder in what way does the handle bar thingy look like a bed... I've looked at it from every possible angle( 15^o, 36^o, etc, etc, etc) but still can't figure it out.. Hmmm.. Maybe if people bring along a pillow the next time they "lie" down on their "bed" will make it easier for me...



I remembered that there was once when John and I were on a crowded train, going back home from town on a weekend (you know how crowded the train can get). Anyway, we were standing in front of the bar thingy, and I was HOLDING on to it.. John & I were chatting away happily.. Until.... This dumb dumb indian lady board the train... She SAW my hand there but still moved towards the bar, brush her oily hair on my cute small hand, and lean on it.. (a miniature backrest???)

My "tsk-ing" (no matter how loud) doesn't seem work.. When I finally got her attention, guess what? She just turned, looked at me, and turned around.. I swear I was controlling my urge (tried very hard) to just kick her in the bum, and ask her to FO...

How can Singaporeans be so inconsiderate?? Get their comfort at the expense of others safety... Aiyoyo*shakes head*
Carol the Nagger @ 12:52 AM 
*[[ and so the complain goes... ]]*

Sunday, August 07, 2005

:: Two scoops of bullshit and unsmiling faces please.. :: WOW.. I am truly in a mood for complaining. There was this time Carolyn and I were at Causeway point, it was a hot day and we soooo needed an ice cream.. so we went to this ice cream parlour.. it's not Swensen's.. guess which one I am talking about.

A shitty weather for the day, will put a person in a really bad mood, and there we were, two pissed off and hot individuals with a mood to rival a woman with the worse case of PMS ever! And we had to encounter horrible service. No smile, no welcoming gestures, just a cold hard stare...I know they are selling ice cream, but having an ice cold attitude.. that's horse shit.

So we scanned through the menu, with wonderfully named sundaes and waffles, each name generating enough imagination to make you orgasm on your feet.(I am exaggerating) Our hunger got the better of us. And we ordered two SUPPOSEDLY yummy sundaes. This is a place where you are not escorted to your seat. (bigger hint as to which ice cream parlour this is)

We sat there.. at our seats.. staring hungrily at others' sundaes and waffles...hearing a child getting beaten by his over zealous mother..an oddly matched couple whispering to each other...and so time ticked on..not bothering that our body temperatures were rising steadily, caused by the lack of an ice cold sundae..*drip drip*

After what seemed to be an eternity, our sundaes arrived. Our hearts leapt in happiness, and our bellies anticipated this gift of good food. To our great DISMAY and DISPLEASURE, the first sundae, a strawberry one, looked as if a dog with food poisoning took a crap in it. It was dripping and overflowing, i could not tell if it was really a sundae. it cost me about 8 bucks! I could have chopped off my arms and made a better sundae than this travesty. However, with a heavy heart, and almost empty wallet, we finished the first of the "twin disasters". A short while later, my chocolate sundae arrived.. in all its cookie glory..if the first one looked like a dog took a crap in it.. this one looked as if a llama with a hangover and foodpoisoning hurled and took a dump on it.



About 16 of my hard earned NS dollars was spent on cheap ice cream and unsmiling hags. I could have gotten better service at Orchard towers with a toothless tranny. So there you have it, you now know where NOT TO GO FOR AN ICE CREAM ON A HOT DAY.
John Foul Mowf @ 9:03 PM 
*[[ and so the complain goes... ]]*

:: A Peanut is worth much more than you think.. :: Back here again, i suddenly have this great urge to complain about lots of things i've been pondering about over the past couple of months. As the NKF saga unfolded, things were said by people which did not make much sense or were just plain shocking. One of these involved an interview with a person who WAS of highstanding within the NKF. She defended T T Durai's obscene salary, saying it was peanuts when compared to the vast reserves that they had accumulated.
Now let us go deeper into what she said, and I shaly 4 inches. Now look at the math.
ll tell you how much of a peanut I am actually earning. Let us be nice, and give this much respected person the benefit of doubt, that she was talking about the world's largest peanut, measured at approximate
4 inches of peanut --> about $600 000 TT Durai's alleged yearly salary My NS allowance $ 4 200
A monthly salary of $50 000 for him and $350 for me.
350/50 000 = 0.007 times of a 4 inch peanut
0.007 x 4
= 0.028 inches!!!



My God! That's how much of a peanut im taking home. Wow. If he really is earning peanuts, then I must say, i don't want to be greedy.. all i want to do is to earn peanuts! I have no idea what triggered her to make such sacrilegus statements. I'm sure the rest of Singapore who are not earning peanuts would be visibly pissed off. A gold plated tap for his personal bathroom? I'd be glad for a place to shit in properly, let alone have a gold tap. Singaporeans are pissed off, we are being charitied to death. Weekly donation drives by smelly students (read first blog entry), monthly TV fund raisers which send me to sleep. We were all just waiting for this bomb to drop. An excuse to stop donating to sanctimonious charity organisers bent on achieving a place in the holy trinity.

I have nothing against charities, and appreciate the help it has given to thousands of needy Singaporeans. But for someone to talk about an obscene salary and saying it is peanuts, in a country where everyone is fighting to pay for things we will never really own, it is definetly MOST DEFINETLY a KICK IN MY GROIN. I'd like to see what they intend to do to get the public's trust back. Trying paying 'peanuts' to their next CEO..

John Foul Mowf @ 6:26 PM 
*[[ and so the complain goes... ]]*

:: Bad English? You ain't seen nothing yet... :: Yes it's been a long time since we last blogged, i've been having difficulty finding inspiration after a one month long MC drained my brain of all its creative juices.(actually it was caused by being pissed off with a certain Xbox game)

The government has spent alot of money year after year on campaigns targeting the masses to speak better english.
Guess what?? FAILURE YET AGAIN! I guess simple minded people can be forgiven if they mispell a word or two, but people who work in our grassroots organizations? I think that's a huge kick in the balls to our governments efforts.

There I was waiting for the lift, after a long day, i just happened to glance at the notice board to see what new "ideas" they had to bring the community together. And at the top of the board, this advertisement for childrens' art classes stuck out like a sore thumb.






It definetly tickled me silly, and I could have laughed till I ruptured a spleen. It's ridiculous. A spelling error like that is unforgiveable. I can just imagine a bunch of "cheena-piang" sitting around a table at one of their weekly meetings

Goondu : " eh boss, how ah to spell 'clay-yon' (it's actually "crayon")
Chairman: Aiyo, you ah damn jia lat, this one Singapoh leh. Government spend and spend so that we all can speak engrrish plopely. Simpir thing also donno how to spell..
Goondu : Aiyah.. sorry la, I no go school one, now only going for night crasses (classes) at ITE, but hor you must aglee (agree) my engrrish (english) got imploov (improve) already leh.
Chariman : Yah hor, you are right. okay okay. very easy to spell one..( he thinks to himself for a moment, and remembers what his English lecturer taught him, break up the words and spell them slowly according to how it is pronounced) C-L-A-Y-O-N.
Goondu: Wah! So easy! i really must imploov, so can be better at sperring (spelling).. correct hor? the sperring (spelling) and the way I say it the same. good good. must learn more.

YES.. sadly this is what happens. Instead of improving our already appalling english standards, here we are being subjected to poor english usage by people working for the Government. This was definetly no typo. Think about it. And you'll agree with me that people actually speak this way. SAVE OUR CHILDREN AND GET THESE BUGGERS OUT OF THEIR POSITIONS. I'd rather learn spelling from a shitting baboon reading a newspaper.

John Foul Mowf @ 6:11 PM 
*[[ and so the complain goes... ]]*

Friday, June 10, 2005

:: DIrty toilets..society's evil... ::

So here i am back from a retreat on Sentosa island. Sounds relaxing? Not quite. why? Diarrhea was the cause of my misery.. to make matters worse.. the "resort" ( i'm using this word rather loosely in this context) i was staying on had true kampung styled toilets to match the accomodation provided.

let me explain... no toilet seats were available.. i repeat NO TOILET SEATS WERE AVAILABLE! i didn't know we were still living in stone age times.. i feel like a complete neanderthal...anyway that aside. as i approached the entrance of the toilet, this extremely foul smell filled the air.. i thought to myself "no this can't be..no toilet can smell that bad.." unfortunately... it was the toilet..with enough stench to make an entire elephant herd go down on their knees..i walked in and immediately wished i didn't have a nose.. with my shit about to erupt from my a-hole. i rushed into the cubicle.. to find that someone had already shat all over the place.. and had the toilet bowl stuffed with shit stained toilet paper for good measure.

since nothing else wrong could go wrong.. that's what i thought anyway.. i just did my business with the filth all around me.,. and tried my best not to die. is it that difficult to push the little button which says "flush" on it? i guess most singaporeans are suffering from extreme arthritis and cannot bear to use their pained fingers to press anything.

let's not talk about shitting. even pissing. its as if singaporean men have dongs larger and thicker than a whale's. that they can't aim properly into the lil thing called the toilet bowl. there's piss everywhere!!! everyone is chasing the dream of driving a luxury car.. owning landed property and having tons of cash.. behaviour like that is grossly unacceptable. sigh... when will we become a society of manners and well aimed piss?
John Foul Mowf @ 12:09 PM 
*[[ and so the complain goes... ]]*

Monday, May 30, 2005

:: the thinking army..yeah right.. ::

Yes i am now serving national service in the army. before i enlisted i had wonderful notions of what the army was all about. a modern army that thinks and does things professionally. however i was proven wrong and the high esteem which i held the SAF in was shattered. yes, im about to expose the army. come sue me. i'm just being honest here.
yes, for all those who are going to enlist, now is your chance to know what the army is all about.

the army does not give a damn about you. :o) yes that is true. unless they have another NS man drown, they'll not bother much. professionalism is something which they convinced themselves that they have. unfortunately they are very much mistaken. many SAF personnel are just a waste of taxpayers' money. some officers have barely passed their O levels. and they are expected to lead their men? thats a load of BS. these people have been in the army too long and have gotten dizzy with power their ranks have brought them.

in the army, you do not have an opinion.and you have no rights. if you are not a "yes man" its about time you change. if you don't want to get in trouble with your superiors, never give your opinion. it might come back to haunt you. and if you've got health problems, you will always be assumed to be malingering,.till you have a medical report 12 inches thick. sometimes, despite all the proof, they'll still be out to make a jack ass out of you.

so why do we have to serve NS? we are being paid below the minimum wage. we get fu**ed all the time, and for no reason. what is the point in all this? does getting fu**ed all the time necessarily make me a better person in life? how about those who do not respond well to public criticism? the consequences of doing this to an unprepared teen can have disastrous outcomes. and if something happens. who can take responsibility? society cannot be built upon these foundations. it's time for Singapore to wake up, and stop hiding from the truth. do we really need NS?
John Foul Mowf @ 9:43 PM 
*[[ and so the complain goes... ]]*

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